President Krapp last night revealed that he had indeed implemented a new criteria for all girls entering GW next year: A hotness scale. ‘For far too long, returning students have wondered what the new batch will be like’ said the long term President, ‘but I’ve solved that problem. All girls have been rated by a panel of 9 of the most sexually active men on this campus, including myself.’
‘Each girl will be rated from 1-10 Krapps (with 1 being Nancy Pelosi, and 10 being that cute blond chick I can see across the street in Thurston each night), and anyone with a Krapp rating of under 6 will automatically be banished to the Vern.’ When asked if this would cause overcrowding on the Vern, Krapp responded ‘If we banished every girl from the Class of 2014 who got under 6 Krapps, Thurston would be empty. We’d have quads with nobody in them. It just wouldn’t work.’
The initial public opinion seems to have been positive. Brother of Delta Iota Kappa, Al Beverage, said ‘This is a great move on GW’s part. It will mean that the bros will feel better about who and what they’re doing, and it’ll also save the environment too. We use a huge quantity of paper bags to cover shit up we don’t want to see, and now we can cancel that order – everyone wins!’. The GW Women’s Leadership Program had something to say on the subject, but according to the new rules ‘Nobody under 4 Krapps is allowed to speak’, so the WLP’s voice has gone unheard. When asked about this development, Al Beverage said ‘I’m proud to be a dude. It confirms my belief that women need to be taught how to lead, while men are all born leaders. There isn’t a Men’s Leadership Program for a reason!’
It remains to be seen whether or not this will improve the quality of women on campus.