This is the winning submission from our recent humor contest. WARNING: GRAPHIC SEXUAL LANGUAGE.
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Posts Tagged ‘ UPD ’
Humor First Place: “My Favorite Board Game”
The Epic Failure of GW’s Alert System
The 'InfoMail' that trickled in over 2 hours after the shooting near campus was useless - I've had fortune cookies that are more informative and timely.
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University apologizes for slow alert system response
Executive Vice President and Treasurer Lou Katz sent out an email apologizing for the University's slow response and explained the delay in notifying students was caused by technical issues with the university's new enhanced emergency response system.
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UPD Sets New Speed Record for Fire Evacuation Response
At 12:30am last night the residents of Ivory Tower were perturbed out of their slumber or out of their various activities by a sound that was all too familiar at this point in their life at GW. The fire alarm was going off and the computer generated voice was telling them to get out...
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What’s really in UPD’s mobile command center?
Long story short, it’s basically a party bus.
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My suggestions to the $60 million committee
So this innovation task force released 200 “ideas” on how the university could save or “continuously fund-raise” (??) $60 million over the next five years. They seem to be stuck on exactly how to save (or keep?) that money. I have some ideas: Sell the HDTVs we put in every dorm lobby, I suggest...
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Stafford’s "Retirement"
We got the news today that UPD Chief Dolores Stafford would be “retiring” as soon as her replacement is found. All that was missing was a pronouncement of a desire to spend more time for her family. To engage in rampant speculation, this shouldn’t really be too surprising. Chief Stafford has a mixed record...
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Dolores, I think you’re competent, but I’m still not giving you a gun.
In her recent Hatchet op-ed, UPD Chief Dolores Stafford makes a point about UPD and professionalism: While the reaccreditation process is not related to the study the University will soon conduct on aspects of safety and security at the University and whether to arm the police force, the editorial addressed the criticism of a...
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UPD, Accreditation, and Packing Heat
Misconceptions and misrepresentations abound. For the record, I stand by my original argument against arming UPD. Obviously, Pat disagrees. That’s fine, but he’s being unfair in a few different ways. Shall I list them? I shall, I shall. 1) The comments section of a Colonialist post does not an argument make. I’m a bit...
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Pudden-Head Puritans and UPD
It is rare that I find myself as utterly nonplussed about a campus issue as I am presently, specifically regarding the arming of UPD officers here at GW. But the good folks at The Colonialist (who I normally find just as comical and jocose as the next guy) have really opened up a pathetic...
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